I HATE INTERNATIONAL BREAKS
Yeah, so the title of this piece, is essentially it's summary, I just really hate international breaks. This is not just because I'm an Arsenal fan, and Robin Van Persie is now injured, along with Kieran Gibbs and who knows who else tomorrow, because of one, but also because they are just ridiculously tedious and, in a word, dull.
They mean 2 weeks of nothing really going on for Georgie Thompson to tell me about on Skysports News. They mean I have to read and hear constant pointless drone amongst journalists, everyday people and Andy Townsend on itv about whether England will win the World Cup this year (we won't incase you're wondering). They mean I have to force myself to support a team captained by John Terry and who have Tom Huddlestone playing for them. They mean that we have to sit through dire dire games of football when we would much rather be watching Premier League football. Perhaps most significantly they often mean severe disruption to your Fantasy Football team.
I much prefer watching club football. I think most football fans do. The quality of the football is better, as is the atmosphere, and the tension and excitement domestic football offers is so much more dramatic. This is primarily because you genuinely care for the players who play for your club. On the international stage, England are represented by players who play for clubs you compete against every week and in some cases players who you simply just hate, a certain left back comes to mind here. I've always found watching England a difficult concept to adjust to. It is impossible to switch from loathing Wayne Rooney to celebrating him score a goal against Andorra. The emotions I experience when watching England play, fade into insignificance compared with the varieties of torture, ecstasy and stupidity I go through watching my club. I would take my club winning the FA Cup over England winning the world cup. For some people this may sound rash and stupid, but let me explain why.
As a supporter of a domestic club, you instantly become a tiny part in a unique family. You associate yourself with aspects of that club and you idolise the players. You genuinely feel part of something special. They are your club. Supporting England is not special, it is mandatory. There is a certain falseness that I find comes with watching England play, almost like a fake, forced patriotism that I can't feel. Maybe I'm missing something. It just seems like you support England because you were born there and feel an obligation to, but that you support a club because that was a personal choice and one that you are happy and willing to pursue.
Of course international fixtures have to be played, and tournaments like the World Cup or the European Championships are a fantastic oppurtunity to showcase the best talents in the world and produce memorable games, but the qualifiers and the friendlies just serve to annoy and frustrate. Anyway, apologies for the rant. At least the last international break until March is almost over. I bet Cesc Fabregas breaks his leg tomorrow, just out of spite. Bloody international breaks.
Winter's Discontent  Today, The Real Cat and Carrot Situation received some very exciting news. For the first time in the website's short history we genuinely have an exclusive with a former figurehead of the English game. Earlier, the site presented a short message that was sent to ex-referee and now occasionally seen officiating expert, Jeff Winter. The site can proudly announce that Mr Winter has taken the time out of his busy schedule to respond to the short messgae that was delivered to him earlier this afternoon. (PLEASE take into account that this is absolutely genuine) For those who have not read the original message, allow me to present to you the context of Mr Winter's response by revisiting the aforementioned message delivered by Gareth Hooper on behalf of The Real Cat and Carrot. "Hello Jeff,
At 16.19 today, Mr. Winter kindly responded with this short but powerful e-mail.
-----Original Message-----
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here's the response we have sent Mr Winter in response to his emotional message:
Automated Response
Thank you for getting in touch with The Real Cat and Carrot Situation! Due to the large amount of mail we get at the site and the few contributors who help keep the site running, regretably we cannot respond to every peice of mail individually. We do, however, try our best to read each peice of mail we receive and we will do our utmost to respond thoughtfully to your message. Thank you once again, The Real Cat and Carrot Situation. http://therealcatandcarrotsituation.yolasite.com/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A letter to Jeff Winter Here's a short message that was sent to former referee Jeff Winter this afternoon on behalf of The Real Cat and Carrot Situation. Enjoy Hello Jeff, If anybody would like to contact Mr Winter themselves follow this link and get in touch with him: http://www.jeffwinterentertainmentandmedia.co.uk/contact.php -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If We Could Clone Ian Woan To kick off the website we have a small poem composed by Argentine Polaroid: If we could clone Ian Woan There’d be nothing else we’d need Not a weakness on the pitch Entertainment guaranteed Ian you play centre back Woaney you’re in goal Should we play with two up top Or stick Ian in the hole?
If we could clone Ian Woan What a team we’d be A 3-1 win away from home And Ian’s grabbed all three Ian Woan from full back Up the line to forward: Woan Woan then sticks it in the box And Ian heads it home
If we could clone Ian Woan No team could ask for more Better than Utd in ‘99 Or Arsenal in ‘04 After the referee’s blown for time And the player’s are heading home Each opposition player’s happy He’s swapped shirts with Ian Woan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
Gareth hooper (gazgazgaz_gaz@hotmail.co.uk) Everybody Loves Raimond
A letter we were sent illustrating the indescribable impact Raimond van der Gouw has on some people.
Raimond van der Gouw, may I compare you to a bright summer's day?
Raimond, oh Raimond, how much I love thee?
Raimond, oh lovely Raimond, you truly are the goalkeeping Shakespeare,
Raimond, oh lovely sweet Raimond, you're the footballing Obama,
Raimond, oh lovely sweet innocent Raimond, you are more than an adequate stand in goalkeeper,
so much more infact,
You've inspired me more than you can possible know gouw,
you've made me want to tend the goal, but no, that is not all,
you saved me Raimond, like you saved from Solskjaer or Butt in training,
you saved me from crisis, from despair,
you, Raimond van der Gouw are the reason why I am here,
the reason why I wake up in the mornings and go to sleep content at night,
you are why I am a man of faith, the reason why I buy semi skimmed milk, instead of full fat
Your impact is never ending and everpresent Raimond
and i just wish you'd realise that Raimond, you are loved.
Without you, there would just be the Pilkingtons and the Manningers.
WHO NEEDS THEM? NOT ME RAIMOND
I NEED YOU, NO ONE ELSE.
So please listen to me, and come home, come back to me Rayray please.
I'll keep making you your dinner and serving at the table until you return to me.
Tonights its' a haddock kedgerie, you love a haddock kedgerie.
I'll be here, I'll wait for you, like you waited for Schmeichel to be injured, thats what I'll do.
I love you.
Anon.
